The PTSD literature for veterans and sex assault survivors lists conditions that are commonly found among survivors of those types of trauma. Survivors typically have only some of these symptoms, and the severity of a particular symptom may vary from individual to individual. Survivors of different types of traumatic events often have a different range of symptoms. A remarkably large number of these conditions are common among people with long-term histories of suicidal pain:

• Problems with memory. Persistent, intrusive, and vivid memories concerning the traumatic situation. Events of daily life may trigger distressing memories related to the trauma. Memory lapses for parts of the traumatic situation. Many suicidal people are troubled by strong images, such as the feeling that they have bombs inside their bodies or a knife over their heads, and in recovery continue to be bothered by the memory of having had these images.
• Avoidance of things associated with the traumatic experience(definitely)
• Persistent anxiety.
• Fear that the traumatic situation will recur. The trauma is often an event that shatters the survivors’ sense of invulnerability to harm.(yeah)
• Disturbed by the intrusiveness of violent impulses and thoughts.
• Engagement in risk-taking behavior to produce adrenaline.(I do)
• A feeling of being powerless over the traumatic event. Anger and frustration over being powerless.(always happens)
• A feeling of being helpless about ones current condition(yes)
• Being dramatically and permanently changed by the experience (see for yourself)
• A sense of unfairness. Why did this happen to me?(always feel that way)
• Holding oneself responsible for what happened. Feeling guilty. (definitely)
• The use of self-blame to provide an illusion of control. To imagine we could have done more is more tolerable than total helplessness (hear hear).
• An inability to experience the joys of life.(very true)
• Feelings of being alienated from the other people and society in general. “I am different. I am shameful. If they knew what I was like, they would reject me. I don’t belong in this world. Im a freak, an outcast.”
• A lack of caring attachments. A sense of a lack of purpose and meaning.
• Left with unexpressed rage against those who were indifferent to their situation and who failed to help them.( that’s what I do to Eunice)
• In personal relationships there are problems of dependency and trust. A fear of being abandoned, betrayed, let down. A belief that people will be hurtful if given a chance. Feelings of self-hatred and humiliation for being needy, weak, and vulnerable. Alternating between isolation and anxious clinging.(look at how I treat my seniors)
• Trauma often causes the victim to view the world as malevolent, rather than benign.(life suxz)
• No sense of having a future, or, the belief that one’s future will be very limited.
• Feel that they belong more to the dead than to the living( hear hear!)
• The feeling of having a negative “Midas touch”--everything I get involved with goes bad.
• Loss of self-confidence, and loss of feelings of mastery and competence.
• A mistrust of counselors’ ability to listen.( I agree)
• People who suffered traumatic experiences as children, teenagers, or young adults may simultaneously become prematurely aged and developmentally arrested. A part of them “feels old”. Another part feels stuck at the age they had when the trauma occurred.( somthing like that lahz.)
• The use of alcohol or drugs to cope with the PTSD symptoms.

We can heal from the original trauma, and we can heal from the PTSD conditions that have plagued us since the trauma. The basic steps of PTSD recovery programs provide helpful guidelines:

1. an environment that is physically and emotionally safe (I don’t have)
2. patience: PTSD recovery takes time
3. caring attachments (nahz)
4. restore sense of mastery
5. rest and relaxation(isomnia?)
6. recall the traumatic event(s) in small steps (tts what the counselor did)
7. gradually assimilate painful feelings and memories(yeah tts the state I am in)
8. fully experience fear, anger, shame, guilt, depression(nightmare)
   
   Found this brilliant site. Now I know how to explain how I feel.Just added the last part for fun. Cos I will never able to heal from it.