Sunday, May 20, 2007
I finally went to church this morning. I learnt a lot and I spend a fair bit of time reflecting.Why had I made this decision to take a leap of faith? It's just meant to be, I guess.Just 4 years ago, I would not have made just a decision because I was so sceptical about the existence of god. I believed solely in my ability.
How things have changed with time, I realised it is not wrong to rely on someone, but you cannot rely on them completely because they are not like the Lord, a faithful god. Yes, people will just leave you when you need them the most, but Lord has always been there for me.
I felt His presence at times when I really needed somebody, like Thursday. I should not have left my emotions take over my rational mind, but I cant help being feel hurt. Hurt that my own classmates don't respect me,hurt that my own vice dont back me up , disappointed that I don't have the ability to deal with it. I was so overpowered by my own feelings of helplessness, hurt, disappointment that I just weep like some idiot.It was this point when not so nice memories flooded my mind, I totally went out of control.Then I recalled something.
"At your hardest times, you only saw a pair of footprints. This is not because I have left you, but because I was carrying you throughout this time."
I felt much better after it. However, the issue about being a CT rep came into my mind. Eddy pointed out the mistakes. What was actually going on in class, and I realised what a lousy job I had been doing. I should not have cared about the miniority.I felt like a total loser.
However I realised that I should carry on because I should not just give up becasue of one set back and just learn to be a better ct rep.
How things have changed with time, I realised it is not wrong to rely on someone, but you cannot rely on them completely because they are not like the Lord, a faithful god. Yes, people will just leave you when you need them the most, but Lord has always been there for me.
I felt His presence at times when I really needed somebody, like Thursday. I should not have left my emotions take over my rational mind, but I cant help being feel hurt. Hurt that my own classmates don't respect me,hurt that my own vice dont back me up , disappointed that I don't have the ability to deal with it. I was so overpowered by my own feelings of helplessness, hurt, disappointment that I just weep like some idiot.It was this point when not so nice memories flooded my mind, I totally went out of control.Then I recalled something.
"At your hardest times, you only saw a pair of footprints. This is not because I have left you, but because I was carrying you throughout this time."
I felt much better after it. However, the issue about being a CT rep came into my mind. Eddy pointed out the mistakes. What was actually going on in class, and I realised what a lousy job I had been doing. I should not have cared about the miniority.I felt like a total loser.
However I realised that I should carry on because I should not just give up becasue of one set back and just learn to be a better ct rep.
i know that i have loved you ... at 5/20/2007 08:36:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities