Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Praise LORD!
It has been SUCH a long time since I feel so free. I forgot how it feels to cross a hurdle without falling flat on my face.The meet the parents went out far better than I can imagine.
Hehe.=D
It has been SUCH a long time since I feel so free. I forgot how it feels to cross a hurdle without falling flat on my face.The meet the parents went out far better than I can imagine.
Hehe.=D
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/31/2007 10:38:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, July 30, 2007
I am dreading that tomorrow will come. We usually know what to do to prevent ourselves from getting into hot soup, yet some of us had to get into trouble.
I know what I want to be, but I just cannot materialised it. It feels as if it is moving further and further away from me with each step I take.Now, I feel as if I am not good enough to be what I wanted to be.
I am trying to trust the people who is around me, which I find it a chore to do so. Most people have proven that they cannot be trusted, I hope this time it will be fine. Sometimes, I really detest the feeling of vulnerability in front of others.It is a rather novel feeling to me and I cannot help feeling paranoid about it.
I don't want to be ocd or paranoid over anything, it is really unsettling and extremely irritating. But what can I do? Just lots of questions and no answers.
Zhengong used to coaxed me in the past because I usually get overly worried for her when I confide in her.
Then again, we usually talk rubbish because half the time I don't need someone to know my pains. I just need someone to be there to talk to.I dont need anyone to help me solve my problems because they are hurdles that I have to eventually cross by myself. Secondly, if the person attempts to solve my problems, she/he will be affected by it.
Yes, I am really glad to meet all my friends.
Thank you , Lord.
I know what I want to be, but I just cannot materialised it. It feels as if it is moving further and further away from me with each step I take.Now, I feel as if I am not good enough to be what I wanted to be.
I am trying to trust the people who is around me, which I find it a chore to do so. Most people have proven that they cannot be trusted, I hope this time it will be fine. Sometimes, I really detest the feeling of vulnerability in front of others.It is a rather novel feeling to me and I cannot help feeling paranoid about it.
I don't want to be ocd or paranoid over anything, it is really unsettling and extremely irritating. But what can I do? Just lots of questions and no answers.
Zhengong used to coaxed me in the past because I usually get overly worried for her when I confide in her.
Then again, we usually talk rubbish because half the time I don't need someone to know my pains. I just need someone to be there to talk to.I dont need anyone to help me solve my problems because they are hurdles that I have to eventually cross by myself. Secondly, if the person attempts to solve my problems, she/he will be affected by it.
Yes, I am really glad to meet all my friends.
Thank you , Lord.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/30/2007 04:47:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Is crying a crime?
I detest all the assumptions you make. I am not you.I can't understand why you punish us when we cry.
I am not as strong as you and stop making me feel gulity and worthless.
All I want is a shelter.
Where there is someone who can care for me.
Where they isnt anyone giving unconstructive and hurtful criticism.
Where I can confide without hurting or affecting the person.
Definitely not in a place I call home or school.
Anyway, July really lives up to its name of being my most depressing month.
I detest all the assumptions you make. I am not you.I can't understand why you punish us when we cry.
I am not as strong as you and stop making me feel gulity and worthless.
All I want is a shelter.
Where there is someone who can care for me.
Where they isnt anyone giving unconstructive and hurtful criticism.
Where I can confide without hurting or affecting the person.
Definitely not in a place I call home or school.
Anyway, July really lives up to its name of being my most depressing month.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/26/2007 09:44:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, July 23, 2007
I am contented with the way things is right now.I have decided to leave most of the things to god since He planned it all for me.
It's just great being physically with them, watching them mingle and everything.Prior to this week, I was being really paranoid over a lot of stuffs, I finally got over most of them.
There is dear Stef who helps me along and Rou rou and Siefen to chase my blues away. The only thing I have to worry about is getting a jaw ache being with them =D
and there is god .
Yeah. I suddenly remembered why we should cherish our lives and the people around us as much as we can. We just should.
I will claim victory in Your name =D
It's just great being physically with them, watching them mingle and everything.Prior to this week, I was being really paranoid over a lot of stuffs, I finally got over most of them.
There is dear Stef who helps me along and Rou rou and Siefen to chase my blues away. The only thing I have to worry about is getting a jaw ache being with them =D
and there is god .
Yeah. I suddenly remembered why we should cherish our lives and the people around us as much as we can. We just should.
I will claim victory in Your name =D
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/23/2007 10:54:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I guess, it's this that made me fear people most.
I seriously regretted.
Whatever lahx. Whatever that makes you guys happy.
I havent done that for a long time .
Lord knows it.
BUT IT STILL HURTS!
WHY?!
I seriously regretted.
Whatever lahx. Whatever that makes you guys happy.
I havent done that for a long time .
Lord knows it.
BUT IT STILL HURTS!
WHY?!
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/17/2007 05:16:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, July 13, 2007
I am feeling much better campared to yesterday. I don't know if the decision could haunt me later but feel that it is justified and it is correct. Right, human usually make decisions that they feel it is right at that very moment, whether they regret or not in the future, it remains to be known.
I have got a lot to thank the Lord this week, but I am still thinking what should I share for this week's cell meeting. I think if I had minus all the things that would embarassed people and that is personal, i will be left with nothing. Nevermind, I have another day to think of something to share!
I really hope I can have a good night rest For the past few days, it has been very difficult for me to fall asleep because I was very absorbed by my thoughts and my friend's comments.I had managed to fall asleep after i have prayed. i think prayers are very comforting. I usually feel much better after praying. I can't even fall asleep if I do not pray, no matter how tired I am.
Yesterday, I was mopping the house. I realised how weak I was. I was just too tired to move the funiture around and I had no strength to do so, my poor sister had to help me out! To me, it is kind of comical. I have not trying mopping a house without using any strength.
Then my mummy was talking about certain issues at home. She had certified that she must have been raising a bunch of insane girls. She feels that girls should be offended when they are called FAT, but it does not seem to affect my sister and me. Well, who would be offended? My dear Dad has been saying that I am fat for like a million times in a day? It is either pig or fat. Yes, I dont care about what they say and I do not have inferior complex because of what they say. I just ignore it.
Of recent, my mum has been asking me why don't I have inferiority complex over that like most girls are. I just don't. it does not affect me the least bit. What do you think I can say?
I have got a lot to thank the Lord this week, but I am still thinking what should I share for this week's cell meeting. I think if I had minus all the things that would embarassed people and that is personal, i will be left with nothing. Nevermind, I have another day to think of something to share!
I really hope I can have a good night rest For the past few days, it has been very difficult for me to fall asleep because I was very absorbed by my thoughts and my friend's comments.I had managed to fall asleep after i have prayed. i think prayers are very comforting. I usually feel much better after praying. I can't even fall asleep if I do not pray, no matter how tired I am.
Yesterday, I was mopping the house. I realised how weak I was. I was just too tired to move the funiture around and I had no strength to do so, my poor sister had to help me out! To me, it is kind of comical. I have not trying mopping a house without using any strength.
Then my mummy was talking about certain issues at home. She had certified that she must have been raising a bunch of insane girls. She feels that girls should be offended when they are called FAT, but it does not seem to affect my sister and me. Well, who would be offended? My dear Dad has been saying that I am fat for like a million times in a day? It is either pig or fat. Yes, I dont care about what they say and I do not have inferior complex because of what they say. I just ignore it.
Of recent, my mum has been asking me why don't I have inferiority complex over that like most girls are. I just don't. it does not affect me the least bit. What do you think I can say?
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/13/2007 12:09:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, July 12, 2007
I realised that my entries are rather depressing, I guess there is not a lot of very nice things to talk about.
I had chinese Oral today. To be really dreadfully honest, I was not of the right mood to take it. A lot of things had happened in a short span of 12 hours and I was still very much bothered by it. I had managed to keep my mood on check during the period of time I was waiting for my turn.I nearly failed because I was thinking of dear Zhengong!
Yes, I miss her so very much. I think I only miss her when I start messing up my life but nevertheless, I still miss her.
I saw the truth in his words and I started questioning about myself.
I got my answer.
Blame it on my lack of faith in god.
I had chinese Oral today. To be really dreadfully honest, I was not of the right mood to take it. A lot of things had happened in a short span of 12 hours and I was still very much bothered by it. I had managed to keep my mood on check during the period of time I was waiting for my turn.I nearly failed because I was thinking of dear Zhengong!
Yes, I miss her so very much. I think I only miss her when I start messing up my life but nevertheless, I still miss her.
I saw the truth in his words and I started questioning about myself.
I got my answer.
Blame it on my lack of faith in god.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/12/2007 09:08:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
You know, some can surprise me with what the class is talking about me?
I presume i would be hearing other stuffs, but to hear that my grandma thing is fake,
UNBELIVABLE!
I wish it was not true too, imagine, who would want to say such an evil thing about your own grandma?
I admit I don't treat her like a family member.
But it's utterly absurd lahx.
LOL.
Where have I gone again?
Great question.
Miss Victor and I are looking for it.
I really wonder who was she describing when she said the person was really passionated in what it does.
Uh, yes.
Commitment. Can I do that?
I presume i would be hearing other stuffs, but to hear that my grandma thing is fake,
UNBELIVABLE!
I wish it was not true too, imagine, who would want to say such an evil thing about your own grandma?
I admit I don't treat her like a family member.
But it's utterly absurd lahx.
LOL.
Where have I gone again?
Great question.
Miss Victor and I are looking for it.
I really wonder who was she describing when she said the person was really passionated in what it does.
Uh, yes.
Commitment. Can I do that?
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/11/2007 11:12:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, July 09, 2007
It's the month of July.
It's going to be two years since it happened.
Yet, the wound feels as if it was made yesterday.
Nothing has been happening recently.
It's just me.
I also don't understand it myself.
There isnt any rationale behind fear.
It is just there and it cripples you in a way.
There isnt any rationale behind wearing a mask.
I still do so to prevent myself from being engulfed by fear.
It's going to be two years since it happened.
Yet, the wound feels as if it was made yesterday.
Nothing has been happening recently.
It's just me.
I also don't understand it myself.
There isnt any rationale behind fear.
It is just there and it cripples you in a way.
There isnt any rationale behind wearing a mask.
I still do so to prevent myself from being engulfed by fear.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/09/2007 10:15:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, July 06, 2007
Independant learning day
It started off with us doing serious work.
Well, not that serious since most of us are bored,
still fairly productive though.
Then after about one and a half hour, my class started playing hangman.
HAHAX.
Damn cute lahx.
I was like busy um... playing sims and doing a bit of work.
Yeah.
So hardworking of me =D
Playing sims.
After that, my class decided to go take lunch and watch movie.
I had a date with dearest Rou Rou and Sie fen. Ivan came along too.
Then we ate at mos burger and laugh like nobody's business.
Rou Rou said I was very high today =)
Of course lah, nan de two of my ai ren pei me go out play=D
It is SOOOOO difficult to go out with them lorx.
Yeah I played initial d against Ivan!
hahax. at first round i was figuring out the angle of turning and the space needed.
However, lost to him, an excellent player =D
Lost to him twice.
Nevermind, i will master the skill of turning!
Oh ya,
in the afternoon, my cheeks hurt a lot.
I though it was because i was laughing too much.
Because I was laughing non-stop.
HAHAX.
When there is Sie Fen and Rou Rou and Ivan,
one can really die from laughter=D
What an excellent way to die =D
Anyway, when i reached home, I found out I got sun burnt on my cheeks!
That's why it hurts!
I got sun burnt in that few mins walking from AMK hub to Jubilee.
Fantastic !
Oblivion is calling me.
LOL.
Well, not that serious since most of us are bored,
still fairly productive though.
Then after about one and a half hour, my class started playing hangman.
HAHAX.
Damn cute lahx.
I was like busy um... playing sims and doing a bit of work.
Yeah.
So hardworking of me =D
Playing sims.
After that, my class decided to go take lunch and watch movie.
I had a date with dearest Rou Rou and Sie fen. Ivan came along too.
Then we ate at mos burger and laugh like nobody's business.
Rou Rou said I was very high today =)
Of course lah, nan de two of my ai ren pei me go out play=D
It is SOOOOO difficult to go out with them lorx.
Yeah I played initial d against Ivan!
hahax. at first round i was figuring out the angle of turning and the space needed.
However, lost to him, an excellent player =D
Lost to him twice.
Nevermind, i will master the skill of turning!
Oh ya,
in the afternoon, my cheeks hurt a lot.
I though it was because i was laughing too much.
Because I was laughing non-stop.
HAHAX.
When there is Sie Fen and Rou Rou and Ivan,
one can really die from laughter=D
What an excellent way to die =D
Anyway, when i reached home, I found out I got sun burnt on my cheeks!
That's why it hurts!
I got sun burnt in that few mins walking from AMK hub to Jubilee.
Fantastic !
Oblivion is calling me.
LOL.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/06/2007 10:41:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Yesterday I attend Xinthesis.It is a celebration of culture and the arts. Yeah. Guess who performed? Yes, Guzheng ensemble, chinese dance and chinese opera.
The highlight of the performance would be the chinese dance of course.
I can totally understand why they got gold with honours.
THEY WERE SPECTACULAR!
EXTREMELY CAPTIVATING!
VERY GOOD!
I am damn serious about it. They did a fusion of chinese dance and some other dance again and it worked extremely well. The dancers even did expressions to the particular mood. It was orderly chaotic, it was well done.
Guzheng was good as usual. I felt like crying during one of their pieces.
Sai ma.
Though they played it differently but it remind me of NYguzheng during syf period.
Yes, we put in a lot of hard work.
The memories were so endearing and it all came back to me during that song.
Macbeth by chinese opera was.
I dont want to comment.
I think it was not done that well but it was a good effort.
Oh yeah. Xinmin people are such excellent audience in comparison to NY.
Ny simply as audience simply pales in comparison to them.
So yes, I enjoyed myself.
Yes, I met someone I did not want to meet yesterday.
As Yue shi engaged that person in conversation, I went to speak to dear Zhengong.
LOL.
I was like playing with her.
Pulling her bag and all.
Anyway, I am forever a 5 year old kid in her eyes, so it doesnt matter how I act in front of her.
Yes, and that particular person pretend that I dont exist, which is very fine with me.
I dont expect anything more from you.
You reminded me of things again.
This time it is different.
The reminder that we are in this state because I lied to you dont bother me anymore.
I cant believe it how I used to hurt myself partly due to it.
I used to hate myself because of the state we were in.
I don't now.
I don't hate you or dislike you, I just cant forgive you.
Though it started off as my fault, it has become yours.
Your cynical and hurtful remarks drove me onto the ledge too many times to count
If it was not because of Zhengong and my mum, you should live in regret.
Because you were the trigger.
The highlight of the performance would be the chinese dance of course.
I can totally understand why they got gold with honours.
THEY WERE SPECTACULAR!
EXTREMELY CAPTIVATING!
VERY GOOD!
I am damn serious about it. They did a fusion of chinese dance and some other dance again and it worked extremely well. The dancers even did expressions to the particular mood. It was orderly chaotic, it was well done.
Guzheng was good as usual. I felt like crying during one of their pieces.
Sai ma.
Though they played it differently but it remind me of NYguzheng during syf period.
Yes, we put in a lot of hard work.
The memories were so endearing and it all came back to me during that song.
Macbeth by chinese opera was.
I dont want to comment.
I think it was not done that well but it was a good effort.
Oh yeah. Xinmin people are such excellent audience in comparison to NY.
Ny simply as audience simply pales in comparison to them.
So yes, I enjoyed myself.
Yes, I met someone I did not want to meet yesterday.
As Yue shi engaged that person in conversation, I went to speak to dear Zhengong.
LOL.
I was like playing with her.
Pulling her bag and all.
Anyway, I am forever a 5 year old kid in her eyes, so it doesnt matter how I act in front of her.
Yes, and that particular person pretend that I dont exist, which is very fine with me.
I dont expect anything more from you.
You reminded me of things again.
This time it is different.
The reminder that we are in this state because I lied to you dont bother me anymore.
I cant believe it how I used to hurt myself partly due to it.
I used to hate myself because of the state we were in.
I don't now.
I don't hate you or dislike you, I just cant forgive you.
Though it started off as my fault, it has become yours.
Your cynical and hurtful remarks drove me onto the ledge too many times to count
If it was not because of Zhengong and my mum, you should live in regret.
Because you were the trigger.
i know that i have loved you ... at 7/01/2007 05:50:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities