Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Of recent, My mum and my Dad were arguing each other in the living room.
Naturally, I felt crippled by fear because of certain memories in the past.
Made me feel helpless, guilty and shaken...
Feelings that I haven't experience for exactly 3 years.
Mummy ,out of irrational anger, said some stuffs that made me really upset.
Well, it spark off forgotten memories and unrelieved feelings.
Back to the time, when I was sec 3.
Wanted to end my life unnaturally then or was literally waiting to die.
Because I used to be the reason that my parents fought.
Due to my reluctance to live out a normal life then,
well, I watch them argue and fight every single morning just to get me to school.
My dad would ask my mum to leave me alone because he cares for me and my mum would drag me out of my bed because she love me enough to want me to get on with life.
And all I wanna is to be left alone to rot.
My mum reminded me of something she said once when the fight was the worst.
All of a sudden, memories just flooded in.
Really negative emotions too...
I remembered why I wanted to climb onto the ledge then.
I felt that I was a burden and a problem to my family.
That if I had not exist, a lot of problems wouldn't exist.
I had long forgotten those feelings till recently.
I thank God for reminding me of it because I can see His blessings in my life and I need to totally forgive so that I can get rid of those chains that have bound me.
Never enjoyed the tranquility of the night or observe the activties of the night till recently.
Cos I am no longer preoccupied with other thoughts.
I know that God has a purpose for me =)
Naturally, I felt crippled by fear because of certain memories in the past.
Made me feel helpless, guilty and shaken...
Feelings that I haven't experience for exactly 3 years.
Mummy ,out of irrational anger, said some stuffs that made me really upset.
Well, it spark off forgotten memories and unrelieved feelings.
Back to the time, when I was sec 3.
Wanted to end my life unnaturally then or was literally waiting to die.
Because I used to be the reason that my parents fought.
Due to my reluctance to live out a normal life then,
well, I watch them argue and fight every single morning just to get me to school.
My dad would ask my mum to leave me alone because he cares for me and my mum would drag me out of my bed because she love me enough to want me to get on with life.
And all I wanna is to be left alone to rot.
My mum reminded me of something she said once when the fight was the worst.
All of a sudden, memories just flooded in.
Really negative emotions too...
I remembered why I wanted to climb onto the ledge then.
I felt that I was a burden and a problem to my family.
That if I had not exist, a lot of problems wouldn't exist.
I had long forgotten those feelings till recently.
I thank God for reminding me of it because I can see His blessings in my life and I need to totally forgive so that I can get rid of those chains that have bound me.
Never enjoyed the tranquility of the night or observe the activties of the night till recently.
Cos I am no longer preoccupied with other thoughts.
I know that God has a purpose for me =)
i know that i have loved you ... at 6/03/2008 03:31:00 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities