Friday, October 24, 2008
I miss Zhengong all of a sudden..
I guess even though I have friends, my spiritual family and god with me,
when things go wrong, I just want to talk to her...
It's an unhealthy over-reliance on her but I' m just so used to it.
When I have major problems, I'll talk to her not about it but...
Hmm...
I can't find my solution but I'm not going to ponder over it.
Because no matter how hard I try to figure things out, I won't get an answer to it by myself.
All I have to do is wait and see.
Yeah, be more patient with myself and see...
I guess even though I have friends, my spiritual family and god with me,
when things go wrong, I just want to talk to her...
It's an unhealthy over-reliance on her but I' m just so used to it.
When I have major problems, I'll talk to her not about it but...
Hmm...
I can't find my solution but I'm not going to ponder over it.
Because no matter how hard I try to figure things out, I won't get an answer to it by myself.
All I have to do is wait and see.
Yeah, be more patient with myself and see...
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/24/2008 11:26:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I find it so hard.
So hard, Lord.
But my hope is in You.
I know it's training.
I will not give up.
I will not bow down to it.
So hard, Lord.
But my hope is in You.
I know it's training.
I will not give up.
I will not bow down to it.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/14/2008 09:54:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, October 12, 2008
If it's a fight you want.
It's a fight I will give.
I have come to this point and I will not bow down to my illness.
Not because I trust myself to be able to carry myself through this.
But because I believe that God is at the end of it , catching me.
Just like how He has caught me when I stayed in the hospital.
He knew my fears and my iniquities and he carried me through every single one of it.
Thank you god for putting this fire in me.
I will put in my all in You.
Should I fail, I know you will paved the way out for me because you know my dreams and my aspirations.
Lord, I know you hold my future safely in your hands.
It's a fight I will give.
I have come to this point and I will not bow down to my illness.
Not because I trust myself to be able to carry myself through this.
But because I believe that God is at the end of it , catching me.
Just like how He has caught me when I stayed in the hospital.
He knew my fears and my iniquities and he carried me through every single one of it.
Thank you god for putting this fire in me.
I will put in my all in You.
Should I fail, I know you will paved the way out for me because you know my dreams and my aspirations.
Lord, I know you hold my future safely in your hands.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/12/2008 10:16:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I'm back from hospital!
Well,I like to think I'm fine.
The diagnosis is inconclusive and I've got lots of painkillers to eat.
It amazes me that my medication, I mean only one medication cost more than my weekly allowance.
By the way, I get about $50 per week, my one painkiller cost $69.90.
Well, I havent include my other painkiller, constipation medication ,gastric medication and cream.
Hohoho.. darn expensive to be sick sia.
have to do follow up on pain management.
Looking on the bright side, at least they are teaching me to manage the pain =)
Well,I like to think I'm fine.
The diagnosis is inconclusive and I've got lots of painkillers to eat.
It amazes me that my medication, I mean only one medication cost more than my weekly allowance.
By the way, I get about $50 per week, my one painkiller cost $69.90.
Well, I havent include my other painkiller, constipation medication ,gastric medication and cream.
Hohoho.. darn expensive to be sick sia.
have to do follow up on pain management.
Looking on the bright side, at least they are teaching me to manage the pain =)
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/11/2008 01:12:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, October 06, 2008
It's finally the eight day here
Even though the doctors could not find a cause for the pain and are going to rule it as a psychological pain, I still praise god.
He made me see a lot of things by merely staying in a ward.
I felt helpless that I could not reach out and chat with the people in the ward due to language barrier and it made me realised the importance of knowing more than one language.
Everyone in the ward , including the nurses know at least 3 language.
Chinese, English, Malay and most of the dialects.
I will aspire to learn at least a few!
Well, even though it is a painful experience.
My hands are full of bruises and cuts but I will choose to believe in god provision and work hard.
I know i dont have time le..
But i am going to do tt.
I know I am safe in His hands and that He will never forsake me.
Even though the doctors could not find a cause for the pain and are going to rule it as a psychological pain, I still praise god.
He made me see a lot of things by merely staying in a ward.
I felt helpless that I could not reach out and chat with the people in the ward due to language barrier and it made me realised the importance of knowing more than one language.
Everyone in the ward , including the nurses know at least 3 language.
Chinese, English, Malay and most of the dialects.
I will aspire to learn at least a few!
Well, even though it is a painful experience.
My hands are full of bruises and cuts but I will choose to believe in god provision and work hard.
I know i dont have time le..
But i am going to do tt.
I know I am safe in His hands and that He will never forsake me.
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/06/2008 11:20:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, October 03, 2008
It's the fifth day.
Doctors couldn't tell me what's wrong.
Just feeling so down because it's approaching A levels soon and I am not doing enough.
Haiz...
Maybe I should have taken better of myself, then again I hardly care about it unless I fall ill.
I so badly want to do well for A levels.
Seeing that I have screwed up Prelims, I really got nothing to say.
I mean so what if i got an A, I am not improving for any of my subjects.
How?
I also dont know.
I can't think with swollen veins, bruises and pain.
With each test returning negative, I feel even worse.
I mean I rather like have like the Ct scan show that I have stones or something.
At least I know what's wrong.
Right now, I don't and it's bothering me.
My mind is so fuzzy with so many medication and pain.
I cant even study...
Doctors couldn't tell me what's wrong.
Just feeling so down because it's approaching A levels soon and I am not doing enough.
Haiz...
Maybe I should have taken better of myself, then again I hardly care about it unless I fall ill.
I so badly want to do well for A levels.
Seeing that I have screwed up Prelims, I really got nothing to say.
I mean so what if i got an A, I am not improving for any of my subjects.
How?
I also dont know.
I can't think with swollen veins, bruises and pain.
With each test returning negative, I feel even worse.
I mean I rather like have like the Ct scan show that I have stones or something.
At least I know what's wrong.
Right now, I don't and it's bothering me.
My mind is so fuzzy with so many medication and pain.
I cant even study...
i know that i have loved you ... at 10/03/2008 11:16:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities