Saturday, April 28, 2007
Forsaken
I can't really tell was it due to the physical pain or otherwise.However, as I took a different path from both of you, my eyes started to sting.
28 April 2007 marks the celebration of Nanyang's thirty years in existence.Yes, Nanyang's celebration.
Amidst the estatic crowd, the sense of disappointment and melancholy became more distinct.
The performance was quite well recieved because everyone gave their all.It's the last time we would be performing this song and we ought to end it in the right note. Powerful and touching. I really enjoyed myself.
It's seriously the last time we are going to perform together.With the defecting of a few members, we will never be able to perform any song together.
As I climbed the steps of the overhead bridge, I felt overwhelmed by emotions.
People that have just entered my life are just going to leave with a simple goodbye.So what will we be doing when we see each other again? Saying a "hi" before brushing past each other and totally forgetting that once upon a time when we had shared many fantastic memories together? Occassionally, we shall stand around and chat for a full minute when we are free? Then finished the chat with a promise of a future outing?
Fine.It's really no point losing my ability to rationalise for this!
I could feel walls that have been bulit by Time between us.Though it is logical that it would happened, what I didnt forsee was that it would affect me.
Tears reawaken the need to watch blood dripping from a newly carved wound.It's only through self-mutilating that I can feel in control of myself.
I thought that I have left that thirst behind in my wetched past.
I was wrong.
28 April 2007 marks the celebration of Nanyang's thirty years in existence.Yes, Nanyang's celebration.
Amidst the estatic crowd, the sense of disappointment and melancholy became more distinct.
The performance was quite well recieved because everyone gave their all.It's the last time we would be performing this song and we ought to end it in the right note. Powerful and touching. I really enjoyed myself.
It's seriously the last time we are going to perform together.With the defecting of a few members, we will never be able to perform any song together.
As I climbed the steps of the overhead bridge, I felt overwhelmed by emotions.
People that have just entered my life are just going to leave with a simple goodbye.So what will we be doing when we see each other again? Saying a "hi" before brushing past each other and totally forgetting that once upon a time when we had shared many fantastic memories together? Occassionally, we shall stand around and chat for a full minute when we are free? Then finished the chat with a promise of a future outing?
Fine.It's really no point losing my ability to rationalise for this!
I could feel walls that have been bulit by Time between us.Though it is logical that it would happened, what I didnt forsee was that it would affect me.
Tears reawaken the need to watch blood dripping from a newly carved wound.It's only through self-mutilating that I can feel in control of myself.
I thought that I have left that thirst behind in my wetched past.
I was wrong.
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/28/2007 07:17:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Months of hard work has ended with a really disappointing ending.
Put in my all and it wasn't enough.
Tears wouldn't wash away my disappointment.
Because it couldn't come.
Of all times, I have to meet you today.
Memories that evoked pain and helpless crash down upon me in an instant.
I am feeling horrible enough, I don't need a painful living reminder of the past.
Totally confusing.
Why does your indifferance affect me in such manner?
Was it due to my reliance on you at one point of time?
Or was the remarks you once made was true?
I don't know.
I seriously won't want to know because you are now part of my past.
Ever since PAE ended,
I forgot what it means to be myself.
Feeling insecure, non-existent and useless.
I am treading back to where I begin.
Put in my all and it wasn't enough.
Tears wouldn't wash away my disappointment.
Because it couldn't come.
Of all times, I have to meet you today.
Memories that evoked pain and helpless crash down upon me in an instant.
I am feeling horrible enough, I don't need a painful living reminder of the past.
Totally confusing.
Why does your indifferance affect me in such manner?
Was it due to my reliance on you at one point of time?
Or was the remarks you once made was true?
I don't know.
I seriously won't want to know because you are now part of my past.
Ever since PAE ended,
I forgot what it means to be myself.
Feeling insecure, non-existent and useless.
I am treading back to where I begin.
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/25/2007 09:37:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Friday, April 20, 2007
Yes, I am feeling the gist of life.
Pain.
However, I have never felt better than this. It was totally touching when all of you decided to walk me to the bus stop despite feeling so tired. Yes, after such a gruelling training, all of you still decided to walk me to the bus stop.
I was in a lot of pain. Physical pain.Each step I took only increase my agony and made my will wander. If it wasn't because of them, I guess I would have done something I regretted again.
Stairs had never appear to be high walls that I could not scale.
I guess affliction gives rises to fear.
I just love Rou Rou, Sie fen , Banquet and Freddy to bits.
I met Stef on the way and she was really concern about me too.
Stef rocks too!
Yes. Today's practice was fruitful.
I am seriously very proud of Zheng III
You guys did well.
Though we have alot to improve.
But, nevermind we WILL work harder.
I so love you guys lahx =)
Zheng II was EXCELLENT!
They improved by leaps and bound.
WELL DONE PEOPLE!
I know you guys can do it.
Most of the guzheng girls were like changing in gz room because we had to carry stuffs and the costume is so UNCOMFORTABLE.It was damn funny with the girls screaming and all that. HAHAX and most of us are from mixed school =) LOL..so we werent that accustom to it.Highly entertaining =)
Pain.
However, I have never felt better than this. It was totally touching when all of you decided to walk me to the bus stop despite feeling so tired. Yes, after such a gruelling training, all of you still decided to walk me to the bus stop.
I was in a lot of pain. Physical pain.Each step I took only increase my agony and made my will wander. If it wasn't because of them, I guess I would have done something I regretted again.
Stairs had never appear to be high walls that I could not scale.
I guess affliction gives rises to fear.
I just love Rou Rou, Sie fen , Banquet and Freddy to bits.
I met Stef on the way and she was really concern about me too.
Stef rocks too!
Yes. Today's practice was fruitful.
I am seriously very proud of Zheng III
You guys did well.
Though we have alot to improve.
But, nevermind we WILL work harder.
I so love you guys lahx =)
Zheng II was EXCELLENT!
They improved by leaps and bound.
WELL DONE PEOPLE!
I know you guys can do it.
Most of the guzheng girls were like changing in gz room because we had to carry stuffs and the costume is so UNCOMFORTABLE.It was damn funny with the girls screaming and all that. HAHAX and most of us are from mixed school =) LOL..so we werent that accustom to it.Highly entertaining =)
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/20/2007 10:39:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock
I lifted my head to indicate I was "breathing" , then relax again.Seriously, after preparing this song for eons,it's starting to be really taxing on me.
If everyone don't know which part I am playing,I am playing the bass. Basically, we have a set of very rigid tune to play.Yeah, half the time I am like playing the same time, so I cant help falling asleep while I play.
Miracle isn't it? I dont reckon any of the other performing arts could do that! Imagine, a choir member singing while she is sleeping.I don't think such a thing could happen right?
I guess I am just leading a totally dull life to be excited that we can sleep while playing instrument.Oh well, what else can I talk about?
Monday-guzheng
Tuesday-guzheng!
Wednesday-guzheng!!
Thursday-guzheng!!!
Friday-GUZHENG
Saturay-GUZHENG!
SUNDAY- studies+ social life+sleep+family+guzheng+random stuffs+pre u seminar+pw
I noticed a disturbing trend.
Great.
The performance was worrying today.
ZHENG SAN DIED again.
They didnt bring out the dynamics of the song.
It's probably due to the warm humid weather and the open space.
I guess we would have fair better in an enclosed area.
Then again, good job guys!
We were all so tired, but we still managed to play.
AMAZING.
Sometimes, I really wished that SYF dont end so soon.
Once we bring back the news from our compeition,
it would be time to say good bye to our companions.
And all these time of us working together so hard would fade away.
And the room would always echo the music we once played together.
Well, that's all for today.
I lifted my head to indicate I was "breathing" , then relax again.Seriously, after preparing this song for eons,it's starting to be really taxing on me.
If everyone don't know which part I am playing,I am playing the bass. Basically, we have a set of very rigid tune to play.Yeah, half the time I am like playing the same time, so I cant help falling asleep while I play.
Miracle isn't it? I dont reckon any of the other performing arts could do that! Imagine, a choir member singing while she is sleeping.I don't think such a thing could happen right?
I guess I am just leading a totally dull life to be excited that we can sleep while playing instrument.Oh well, what else can I talk about?
Monday-guzheng
Tuesday-guzheng!
Wednesday-guzheng!!
Thursday-guzheng!!!
Friday-GUZHENG
Saturay-GUZHENG!
SUNDAY- studies+ social life+sleep+family+guzheng+random stuffs+pre u seminar+pw
I noticed a disturbing trend.
Great.
The performance was worrying today.
ZHENG SAN DIED again.
They didnt bring out the dynamics of the song.
It's probably due to the warm humid weather and the open space.
I guess we would have fair better in an enclosed area.
Then again, good job guys!
We were all so tired, but we still managed to play.
AMAZING.
Sometimes, I really wished that SYF dont end so soon.
Once we bring back the news from our compeition,
it would be time to say good bye to our companions.
And all these time of us working together so hard would fade away.
And the room would always echo the music we once played together.
Well, that's all for today.
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/19/2007 02:34:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Decisions I have to make.
Consquences I have to face.
Right, thats' Life.
Darting eyes,
Swaying ,
I learnt something today.
It's just great not to speak at all at times.
Ears are all you need.
I am torn apart by the decisions I have to make.
Yes, both methods has its drawbacks and strength.
The only problem now is what is the most pressing issue.
Lonliness.
I have never felt as if I was part of the class.
No matter how much I tried.
I don't even feel belong to 0737 sometimes.
Is it just me?
Seriously, I dont even know what life means to me anymore.
The days that I really felt happy are all gone.
So is my hope and my faith.
I just want to give up.
Give up all the effort I put in coming to this stage.
Give up on myself.
Go back to where I come from.
That pitiful past.
That irritaing me
And just die that way.
It's just a thin line between life and death.
Consquences I have to face.
Right, thats' Life.
Darting eyes,
Swaying ,
I learnt something today.
It's just great not to speak at all at times.
Ears are all you need.
I am torn apart by the decisions I have to make.
Yes, both methods has its drawbacks and strength.
The only problem now is what is the most pressing issue.
Lonliness.
I have never felt as if I was part of the class.
No matter how much I tried.
I don't even feel belong to 0737 sometimes.
Is it just me?
Seriously, I dont even know what life means to me anymore.
The days that I really felt happy are all gone.
So is my hope and my faith.
I just want to give up.
Give up all the effort I put in coming to this stage.
Give up on myself.
Go back to where I come from.
That pitiful past.
That irritaing me
And just die that way.
It's just a thin line between life and death.
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/14/2007 01:24:00 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Life is just wonderful with you around=)
Preparation to SYF just glues people up, don't you think?
I think I am falling in love with my section =) (plus other gz people too)
Just more effort from us.
More time to spend.
We will definitely make it.
Mural painting was great the other day.
However ,I snapped at people I didnt mean to.
I am truely apologetic.
It's the circumstances not you guys that I was pissed about.
I cant really hold my temper when I am in pain
Guess I am just not meant to do such stuffs.
CT rep is just beyond my ability.
Nevermind, I will try to do a better job out of it=)
Sam loves Jas too! HAHAX =D
No regrets.
I don't want anymore regrets.
No more imagination.
If "no?" was your honest answer.
Then I should have asked if you dislike me.
Then again it doesnt matter.
I am just an insignificant part of everyone's life.
I dont know for sure if you are the one
Give me some time
At least at this point of time
I know
I do need you
Preparation to SYF just glues people up, don't you think?
I think I am falling in love with my section =) (plus other gz people too)
Just more effort from us.
More time to spend.
We will definitely make it.
Mural painting was great the other day.
However ,I snapped at people I didnt mean to.
I am truely apologetic.
It's the circumstances not you guys that I was pissed about.
I cant really hold my temper when I am in pain
Guess I am just not meant to do such stuffs.
CT rep is just beyond my ability.
Nevermind, I will try to do a better job out of it=)
Sam loves Jas too! HAHAX =D
No regrets.
I don't want anymore regrets.
No more imagination.
If "no?" was your honest answer.
Then I should have asked if you dislike me.
Then again it doesnt matter.
I am just an insignificant part of everyone's life.
I dont know for sure if you are the one
Give me some time
At least at this point of time
I know
I do need you
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/08/2007 02:01:00 am
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Someone gave me something to ponder through just now." Why try to please the world, you are not a clown." Why not?Maybe these clowns wants to be loved and cared for.These clowns are too lonely and afraid. Maybe these clowns feel that they don't belong.They are humans too! By ignoring them you are just making them feel out of place. They are just trying to please you so that you will care for them. Is that morally wrong? Did they hurt you? They are humans after all.
The character of a person is moulded by his or her circumstances.They just didnt choose to be that way because they like being that way. They are just feeling insecure , unwanted and non- existant ,that's all.
I was having CCA today and I realised that my nightmare is far from over.It's just starting again.Keep me safe.
The character of a person is moulded by his or her circumstances.They just didnt choose to be that way because they like being that way. They are just feeling insecure , unwanted and non- existant ,that's all.
I was having CCA today and I realised that my nightmare is far from over.It's just starting again.Keep me safe.
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/04/2007 11:19:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
It's the second week of the term.
What have I exactly done?
Nothing.
That's the scariest thing that can happen to me.
I am like feeling all burn out like for no reason.
The pains are back,
so is the person.
I am like feeling nearly as bad as I once felt in Secondary three.
Horrible.
I totally dread that feeling.
Anyway,
why do people like to force others to do things they dont like?
Because they feel a certain satifaction from doing that?
They feel superior?
They feel that they are in control?
I think I have really changed since Sec three.
I cant recall another time before this period of time when my courage fail me.
I cant remember not having strength to make decision.
Now, I dont dare to bear the consquences to any decision.
I am just not cut out to be a leader.
Because I cant even figure out how my life should go on.
I dont even know what is right now.
I just hate being me.
GRRRR
What have I exactly done?
Nothing.
That's the scariest thing that can happen to me.
I am like feeling all burn out like for no reason.
The pains are back,
so is the person.
I am like feeling nearly as bad as I once felt in Secondary three.
Horrible.
I totally dread that feeling.
Anyway,
why do people like to force others to do things they dont like?
Because they feel a certain satifaction from doing that?
They feel superior?
They feel that they are in control?
I think I have really changed since Sec three.
I cant recall another time before this period of time when my courage fail me.
I cant remember not having strength to make decision.
Now, I dont dare to bear the consquences to any decision.
I am just not cut out to be a leader.
Because I cant even figure out how my life should go on.
I dont even know what is right now.
I just hate being me.
GRRRR
i know that i have loved you ... at 4/03/2007 12:45:00 pm
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities